As usual, no foreplaning for this; just straight up type and post. Sorry if this turns into a longer journal or whatever but, I feel like I need to get this out there.
First I want to mention some good things! Some of you may know I deal with severe depression, anxiety, and a lot of personal issues created from the life I had growing up, and I've slowly been getting better! The event which I will get to in a moment has knocked me under the bus, but... I'll get back up I'm sure. As well, I am involved in two plays; a stagehand for a play out of town (and some people have been so kind as to give me a ride to and from since I have no reliable ride of my own), and in the local play, I play a pregnant lady who gives birth on stage! Pretty exciting me thinks... Should be fun. The one for which I am a stagehand (specifically a props person) will be all over at the end of next week; the one in which I act will be finished in June I believe.
However, two days ago (April 14th) I was told I am being evicted from the house I currently live in at the end of the month... I still don't gave a job, even though I was getting to the point of being able to work again, and there is absolutely no available housing in the area. (And for the record yes; I am still currently living with my parents... Paying rent too, mind you). I had JUST made the decision to stay in town to try to recover; I had JUST signed myself to be in this fucking local play... And then out of the fucking blue, my parents pull this fucking stunt on me. They claim otherwise, but I am 100% sure it is because I don't/won't let them walk all fucking over me anymore. To make things worse, my anxiety had been increasing, and on last Friday I talked to my doctor about me getting anxiety medication. The prescription is ready to be picked up. But the pharmacy is in the town over; it wasn't ready until yesterday. And my fucking dad is refusing to drive me into town to pick it up. (Oh, and did I mention that the 14th was also my first day in helping the other play; in an area I've never been in, with people I've never met, and it is a huge musical production and I had no fucking clue what I'd be doing? Yeah; not even an hour before being picked up to go there, my parents fucking dumped that news on me that I was being evicted. I was already anxious at that point; I almost cried when they told me. Yeah I held it together but fuck...)
They had to fucking do this... They've been wanting to evict me for months (actually, my mom has! Pretty much ever since we had this last argument where I fucking put her in her place as the manipulative, toxic person she is.) And she has just been waiting for me to make a final decision; doesn't tell me a damned thing whilst trying to make my decision, oh no! Waits until I get a direction I want; waits until I am actually feeling like I have some sense of security... And she fucking does this. THEY fucking do this.
I get it, yeah; I need to get a move on in my life. But that was the fucking wrong way to do it. But of course; abusive people just want to hurt others... And she wants to hurt me. Let me tell you; it. Fucking. Worked.
So yeah. I don't know what is going to happen. I'm working with my EIA worker to help me find a place, but there are no fucking places to live in this fucking town. I'm going to have to see if I can rent a camping spot over the summer; but when summer ends, I don't know what I'm going to fucking do...
I finally; fucking finally found my place. The community theater. I found a place I was accepted, and where I was happy. I had hoped to get things together and figure shit out with some form of stability. I wanted to be part of this fucking community. But looks like that's not going to happen. If I can't find housing in town, looks like I'm forced to move to the city.
I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to fucking do this anymore.